[My Big, Fat Alt Life]

[you are loved.]

I’ve suffered with dealing with mental illness on a daily basis as long as I can remember. Countless therapists and psychiatrists to work through trauma and me waking up not knowing if it’s going to be an “up” day or “down” day, week, or even month. And I know I am not alone in this, nor am I the only one who deals with the daily struggle of being ashamed for things that are out of our control - and also being extremely stigmatized and having a common mix of phrases thrown out at us such as: “Just snap out of it,” or “It’s just a phase.” My personal favorite is “You are just acting out for attention.” Maybe you’ve been told these things or to “try harder” to fix yourself. No matter how much self care you do practice, even when you try you still can not be “ok.” When my mind is a bunch of spaghetti noodles intertwined and stuck together the last thing I want is attention and told just to try harder.... more times than most, I isolate.

But coping with mental illness is different for everyone: some of us get angry, anxious, depressed, or a combination of a lot of things we can’t even pinpoint. It's not your fault that you have an illness, whether it be mental or physical therefore you should not feel guilt for the way you feel.

You should NOT feel guilt for:

- Feeling like you are a burden, you are not and you are doing your best

- Feeling too anxious to leave the house

- Feeling like your chronic illness has taken over the things you enjoy

- Feeling useless & tired all the time

- Not able to complete a full to-do list in one day

- Feeling like you are not as "well" as people expect you to be, even though
they may not be thinking that at all

It’s ok you have something you can’t control, it's a hard pill to swallow but it is something I have come to accept. And it’s OK to have a bad day, or week, or month. It’s ok to take time to take self care breaks and if that means sometimes not wanting to talk to people (or anyone at all) to work on yourself is ok. Being afraid to be alone and reaching out for support is 100% ok - there is no shame in reaching out. Let me reiterate: YOU SHOULD NEVER FEEL ASHAMED TO ASK FOR HELP OR BE TOLD IT IS YOUR PROBLEM TO DEAL WITH ALONE.

On a personal level, I chose to surround myself with toxic and unhealthy codependent individuals that I perceived as “healthy” that didn’t only just exasperate the situation, but also caused more self harm and didn’t allow positive and healing growth. I’m having to work through my own personal journey of regrowth and starting completely over in more ways than one. I am learning now after years of dealing with toxic friendships and relationships who my real support system is and that I can allow myself to reach out.
And you can allow yourself to as well.

You are loved.

xoxo
- K
📷: Myself / Edited by: Ejai Cook

P.S. I’ve found that putting my weekly affirmations on my letter board to be extremely therapeutic.This specific set comes with *510* letters and other characters and well as a few emojis and shapes. I have a 10" x 10" board that comes with a saw tooth picture hanger on the back or you can prop it up on the little easel they include. I’ve included a link to the board I have below so you can get your own without breaking the bank: Obliviscar 10X10 Black Letter Board with 510 PreCut Letters

P.S.S. 4 Weeks of Affirmations for You to Make on Your Own Letter Board!

Week 1